In 1956, Andy Warhol offered one of his paintings to the New York Museum of Modern Art. The museum refused, seeing no potential in the young painter’s work. Fast forward a few decades and Warhol had become so successful that he had his own museum.
Shortly before recording an album that would go on sell over 10 million copies, Madonna received a rejection letter from a major record label. Dismissively, the note suggested that “the only thing missing from this project is the material.”
Most successful people have faced similar moments of rejection in their lives, moments where the negative opinions of others could have nipped their careers in the bud.
What distinguishes mentally strong people, like Madonna and Warhol, is that they don’t let the opinions of others determine how they think and act in life. In other words, they refuse to delegate the power over their lives to others.
Oprah Winfrey is another great example of someone with this aspect of mental strength. She was raised in poverty and experienced repeated instances of sexual abuse. At the age of 14, she became pregnant, only for the child to die shortly after birth. Throughout this difficult period, she was frequently mocked and taunted by others for being poor.
But Oprah didn’t waste her time worrying about what others were saying about her; instead, she worked and studied hard and got a job as a TV news anchor. However, she was subsequently fired because she wasn’t considered “suitable” to be on air.
Again, she didn’t let the opinions of others take away her power. She worked harder than ever and, eventually, developed what would become her mega-successful talk show.
Not so bad for someone who had once been teased for being so poor she had to wear potato sacks for clothes.
As Oprah’s experience shows, holding on to your power is crucial to success. But how do you do it?
It might seem counterintuitive, but forgiving others for their transgressions against you is an important part of reclaiming your power. If you hold a grudge, emotions of anger and resentment will not have an impact on the person you are angry with; they will, however, limit your own ability. In fact, all you’re doing is giving more power to that person to disrupt your life.
Forgiving others enables you to reclaim your power by placing your focus back on you. And the psychological and physical benefits are notable, with many studies confirming that forgiveness reduces stress. For example, when people engage in forgiveness, their blood pressure decreases and their hearts beat more calmly.
A 2012 study, published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, also showed that forgiveness is a predictor of longevity – but only if it’s unconditional forgiveness.
People who were only prepared to forgive others if they fulfilled certain conditions – for example, if they had apologized for what they did – had lower life expectancy than a control group. Unconditional forgiveness, on the other hand, ensured a longer life span.
So don’t give up your power and learn to forgive!
